Starve Those Greedy People

The Age

Monday October 6, 2008

David James

BANKERS and financiers are, apparently, starved for capital. I have a solution. Starve them of food instead.

Eventually they will all go away, and leave us normal people to get on with our normal lives doing normal things in normal occupations.

Failing that, we should starve them of oxygen. It will cut down on global warming and we can always clean up the mess later. Here are some words that have made a bit of a mess of lately.

ACCC

It has given the BHP Billiton and Rio Tinto, and Westpac and St George mergers the brightest green light possible, so we can rename it the Australian Collusion and Cartel Commission.

Correction

When traders make a mistake, the market has to correct them and give the naughty perpetrators detention after closing time.

Troubled asset relief program

The official title for the bail-out of the US financial system. It is also a secret code meaning: "Run for the hills. Don't take anything with you, just run. Now." I suggest you heed this warning.

Moral compass

An object that finance traders try to swallow during drunken orgies. Unfortunately moral compasses usually prove hard to digest so they are auctioned on eBay instead.

Subprime lenders

Modern-day Robin Hoods who stole from the poor to give to the rich, only to find that the poor had no money. Go figure.

Wall Street

Well might US politicians say "God bless America" - nobody else will.

David James is a senior writer for BRW magazine and author of The Business Devil's Dictionary.

© 2008 The Age

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